A Long Silence

I've been having trouble finding my voice lately. Or maybe I have just mastered the art of silence. It's not that I don't have anything to say, I suppose. It might just be that I am so wise now I can quietly look down on everyone else in my haughty zen wisdom (ha!).

It might be that I am feeling so insecure that I don't trust the words that come out of my mouth. Maybe I have just seen the futility of everything I have to say. I have no lesson I can teach. I speak to a friend one day about how important it is not to cause others to sin and turn to find him causing others to sin within the week. I try to teach myself not to judge others, and I find that I am unbearably judgmental of myself as well.

I cannot find the words to say that make everything right, that put everything right. I cannot form the advice that will save one person's life or another person's marriage. All is futile. Why try? Why not turn inward and shut everything else out?

Or maybe I am learning the art of emptying myself to allow God and His Holy Spirit to fill me and speak in my place. His words can save a life. His words can make right our wrongs and clean and iron out my overwhelming mistakes.

And, in the interim, there is a tentative silence.